For Grieving Parent of A Loss Child

Have it been a whiles since you kissed your loved one? Have you ever thought I wish they are still here with me?

Well, the one year anniversary of my beloved baby's departure is coming in a few days. As I was doing the dishes, quietly in my heart, I wished my baby was here and how he is doing. Coincidently, my sister-in-law had her baby a few days after my baby passed away. After that a few family members had their babies too. Whiles doing the dishes I talked to myself inside, "God, how com everyone is here watching their baby grow up, watching them take their first walk, bragging and planning their first birthdays." "And why am I going to go see my little one at his tombstone instead?"

Suddenly, I had this feeling over take me. I cannot say or describe it. Phrase, words, and more phrase kept rolling into my head from nowhere. These thoughts were nowhere near the mindset I was currently in. It kept rolling in as a "Haha my child is still great" like feeling:

"Whiles your child is learning to take their first step, my child is in heaven getting their first wing learning to fly."

"Whiles you child is learning to talk; my child is learning to sing the most beautiful song."

"Whiles your child is learning to play; my child is learning to dance on the stars."

"Whiles your child is learning to eat their first food; my child is eating his first fruit in heaven."

"Whiles your child learns to watch television; my child is taking his first look down the clouds."

"Whiles your child is giving you a hug; my child is hugging everyone on earth."

"Whiles your child is sleeping; my child is keeping all the creepy monsters at bay for your little one."

"Whiles your child is learning to become an adult; my child is learning to become an angel."

"Whiles your child is having their first birthday, my child is having their first flight on saving another child on earth."

These phrases kept rolling more and more into my head... it is still rolling in more and more at the current moment I am writing.

This brings me peace knowing that even though my child is not with me on earth anymore, my child is doing something far greater that any parent would be proud of. I am so proud of my baby who decided to become an angel instead. Someone who can help guide another lost child in this world.

There are times that I pray you are still here with me but deep within my heart I know you are needed in a more wonderful place to do more wonderful things. God needed you more than I did.

I was given this song.. and it brought so many tears to my eyes.. my husband too..

I will never forget you..

Thank you for blessing me with your love.

I will always and forever love you!

Mark Schuldz - What It Means To Be Loved

In the end I want to share the message that having any kind of special needs do not need to be frown upon as a taboo or shameful. It can be a blessing in disguise.

Becoming a young mother to two special needs child my road was hard, lonely, and sometimes hateful from individuals because of the path I choose. For a long time I felt alone especially in the Hmong community because everyone kept telling me it was my bad karma or punishment. It took me a long time to get to where I am. And it might have been easier if I didn't walk it alone and had another parent who understood. Although I had all kinds of support from the main stream community it took me a long time to see that I wasn't the only parent facing this in the Hmong Community. But the hardest obstacles I had was that the main stream community didn't understand the challenges of having a special needs child in a Hmong Community. I wish for everyone to know that you're not alone and many are there facing the same thing. You just have to look closer.